", Little Johnny asked his grandpa to croak like a frog. And why is that?Little Johnny offers, Miss, its so we wouldnt wake all those people sleeping., Little Johnny once bought his Granny a very fine toilet brush for her birthday. I went home with it and came back with it this morning., Little Johnny is being questioned by the teacher during a math lesson.If you had ten dollars, asks the teacher, and I asked you for a loan of eight dollars, how much would you have left?Ten, answers Little Johnny.Ten? the teacher asks. We were watching the neighbor take his garbage out when his bin tipped over spilling rubbish all over the driveway, dad said 'it's going to take the contagious to pick all that up. Little Johnny responds: "ten.". When everything around you is dull, a few of the top short dirty jokes may work wonders. Teacher: "If I had seven oranges in one hand and eight oranges in the other, what would I have? His mother asks "What on earth are you doing Johnny?". 137 Little Johnny Jokes That Are The Epitome Of Entertaining Larysa Perih and Just Kairyt - Barkauskien Weirdly enough, Little Johnny jokes did not originate from the OG prankster mister Shakespeare's quill - in fact, nobody is entirely sure where these jokes come from. , https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=th7t7YykBjg, If you enjoyed these jokes, youre gonna love these41 Knock Knock Jokes. "Little Johnny: "Up and down or across? Little Johnny's instructor paid a visit to his family at their home. Johnny said, Mommy said that well be loaded when you croak.. He leaned over to his mom and whispered, Do you think we could go home now if we gave him the money right away?, Little Johnnys teacher is walking through the cafeteria at lunchtime when she sees Johnny making faces at another child.She starts to talk sternly to Johnny and says Johnny when I was a young girl, I was told that if I made ugly faces and the wind changed, my face would stay that way.Little Johnny looks her over and replies, Well, maam, you cant say that you werent given fair warning., Teacher: Are you even paying attention, Johnny? Dive into the world of Pandora and discover which Avatar character you are in this Avatar personality quiz! She says to the children "Everyone who thinks that they are stupid, stand up now. Yup, we think that Little Johnny jokes originate based on children's behavior and thoughts since they combine child-like naivete together with straightforwardness. Annoyed, Little Johnny asked his mom where they had got her from. Work is not a rabbit, does not run. One day Jimmy got home early from school.His elder sister asked, Why are you home so early?He answered, Because I was the only one that answered a question in my class.She said, Wow, my brother is a genius.What was the question?Jimmy replied, The question was Who threw the trash can at the principals head?, A third grade teacher always took role call each morning and had the pupils' answer by reciting a short poem.The first kid sat in the first row was a teachers pet. Son: "Thanks Dad!". She asked, So Johnny feels stupid occasionally? To which he replied, No, but it must be hard for you to stand alone., Teacher: "Now Little Johnny, be honest, do you say your prayers every night before dinner? Little Johnny said, Easy. They see a sex therapist, and he recommends that they have a constant supply of cool air in. Little johnnys dad asks him if he knows about the birds and the bees. The best Darth Vader Memes, Yoda. Little Johnnys new sibling was crying and screaming for hours. 63. The cashier said, Theres no way I can take this. Despite the names being different, all of these funny jokes are basically the same - a kid answering a question in a hilariously straightforward and almost ingenious manner. ", Teacher: "Would you at the back of the room stop passing notes! At school: "Johnny, wheres your homework? ", Little Johnny was in church with his mom for Sunday Mass when he felt a sudden barf attack impending. We have a team of writers and contributors that publish content from time to time writing about entertainment, food and more. Work is not a rabbit, does not run. View community ranking In the Top 1% of largest communities on Reddit. what are 4, 2, 28 and 44? Sexual orientation: sexually disorientated. "Little Johnny: "No, Teacher, I'd have nine. The father sighs and says: "You know, you could do better.". Top 10 Dirty Little Johnny Jokes. The next week, the guy picks her up for their evening out dressed in a biker's black leathers. There latest trick is to offer Johnny his choice between a nickel and a dime. "Little Johnny: "No I got them all wrong by myself! "Little Johnny: "E-L-E-F-A-N-T"Teacher: "No Johnny, that is incorrect. Jack Greene's song about a tough breakup peaked at #65 on the Billboard Hot 100 in 1966 and spent seven weeks at the top of the country chart. Little Johnny then ran back outside and his mom heard him yell to his friends, "It's okay! Little Johnny than replied Well, my grandfather lived to be a 105 years old said Johnny. His father is furious and says "Why not? The teacher asked the class to come up with a three syllable word and use it in the sentence. 6. When he was done, he asked the kids, "Where do you want to go?" The tribe chief explains that now he must put all 10 pieces of fruit up his ass without making any noise. Please provide your email address and we will send your password shortly. For three days she asked us how much is two and two. "Dad: "No son, why do you ask? What is it? she asked. The teacher asked what his favorite magic trick is. Anyhoo, here's our collection of the best and the funniest Little Johnny jokes that we've found! A young black boy goes into the kitchen where his mother is baking. A young female teacher was giving her class of six year olds a quiz behind my back ive got something red, round and you can eat it. "Johnny: "The dog refused to. "Little Johnny: "Because you can't lay eggs! Little Johnny's dad asks him if he knows about the birds and the bees. 10. "Johnny replies "I lent it to my friend, he wanted to scare his parents. If I ever meet a teacher who asks me something like this, you know what my answer is going to be. And why are there jokes named after him? Please, please send clothes for all those poor ladies on Dads computer. The teacher decided to ask the class a riddle. Little johnny came running into the house and asked, mommy, can little girls have babies? no, said his mom, of course not.. It means the car wont start., A Sunday School teacher of preschoolers told her students that she wanted each of them to have learned one fact about Jesus by the next Sunday. He puts his hands in the flour and coats his face with it. Does anyone know the meaning of this classic dilemma? He stood and said, "My name is Dan, and when I become a man, I would like to go to Japan if I can, and I think I can. Suggested read: Top 40 What's the Difference Between Jokes. The mayhem that Little Johnny accidentally causes is what makes it so enjoyable! But when he went to visit her a few weeks later, there wasnt a sign of it in the bathroom. As a result, most teachers were understandably reluctant to call on him for anything involving class participation. "Little Johnny: "About 8 kilometers miss. But when he went to visit her a few weeks later, there wasnt a sign of it in the bathroom. The teacher asked what his favorite magic trick is. "Teacher (surprised): "Why not? "Well, I can see why they threw her out! ", Teacher: "If 1 + 1 = 2 and 2 + 2 = 4, what is 4 + 4? he replied. ", Little Johnny's teacher says to him, "Johnny! ", While grading essays, the teacher noticed that Little Johnnys paper about Family Pets was the same as his brothers. ", Teacher: "Who can tell me where Hadrians' Wall is? Johnny: "None". I have another pair at home exactly the same." Little Johnny was doing his maths homework. Yelled Billy. During the concert little Johnny sits in the front row waiting for the concert to begin. Johnny quickly said, No way. I went home with it and came back with it this morning. 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Little Johnny Joke Back to: Classic Adult Jokes Follow @quickjokes Little Johnny walks into school one day to find a substitute in place of his regular teacher. Is god in these trees here Johnny asked again. ", Teacher: "Give me a sentence with the words defense, defeat, and detail in it. Teacher: "Name an animal that lives in Lapland? "Johnny: "Maybe it is wrong, Miss, but you asked how I spell it. His sister tells him to give it back, she wants to keep it as a souvenir. "Teacher: "Don't worry, I'll ask her myself! "My dog ate it," was his solemn response. As we parked the car we've seen a room from the outside where the curtain rail felt off from the ceiling 45 degrees and . Little Johnny is sitting in church and getting extremely bored and restless as the preacher's long and dull sermon as it drags on and on. Teacher: "Did your parents help you with these homework problems? The social worker asks why they were all named Sam. "Mom, I think I'm going to throw up!" the teacher asked.Little Johnny, who naturally sits in the back, raised his hand and wisely responded, "Drink whiskey and you won't get worms! Send me your mother." Santa's gonna have a Merry Christmas too. Now off to bed you go! Theres a short pause, after which Johnny says hesitantly, Mrs Lambden, I want a glass of water, please., At school: "Johnny, wheres your homework? ", Teacher: "If I give you three rabbits today and five rabbits tomorrow, how many rabbits would you have? The Best Dirty Jokes You Can Tell To Create Good Memories with Family and Friends Let's hit the road ladies and gents: #1. As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his Mom if Fred and Mary are up yet. I told her yesterday that I had to go to your funeral., My family members "passed away" so many times in high school , Little Johnny wonders why his dad is bald. Warning! . "The teacher replies "I have no idea Johnny, why don't you tell us how do you put 7 holes into one hole? Head over to this list of conversation starters! I hope Susie doesnt start thinking shes missing parts! A Sunday School teacher of preschoolers told her students that she wanted each of them to have learned one fact about Jesus by the next Sunday. 5. He proceeds to hold his pointer finger against his thumb making a little ring. she asked. 'Dead!' Doctor: You're obese. 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"He replied, "I saw a great TV ad. Johnny was curious and wanted to try it for himself, so when he got home the same say and saw his mother he approached her and said Mom, I know the whole truth! If she drinks the whole bottle, she might even give it a little suck. He then asks So, mommy, why do you still have all your hair?, Teacher: What do you want to be when you grow up? Johnny: I want to follow in my fathers footsteps and be a policeman. Teacher: I didnt know your father was a policeman. Johnny: He isnt. Little Johnny returns from the market with his mother. ", Little Johnny: "I got 100 in school today. "Johnny: "Is god in my back garden? So she asked, Why did you copy your brothers homework?Little Johnny said, No, I didnt! "Teacher: "So your dad ran away? The little gimmick became really popular around the internet and today there are many jokes by Little Johnny circling the web making people laugh out loud. "Little Johnny: "Two things - I got 50 in spelling and 50 in history. Little Johnny's mother was trying hard to get the ketchup to come out of the bottle. He goes home, and as he is greeted by his mother he says, "I know the whole truth." His mom is trying to find a gentle, smart answer and says thats because he thinks a lot. Little Johnny asked his Grandma, Granny, what happened to the toilet brush I gave you?, Teacher: "I told you to stand at the end of the line? Johnny asked. Johnny was in class when his teacher asks. "Johnny: "In Vishakhapatnam. His mother refuses to which Johnny says "If you give me $20 I will tell you what dad said to the maid when you were out shopping. "Mum: "No it doesn't my son. "Johnny: "Im very sorry, I dont have it here. Johnny-UM, Miss Taylor the English teacher writes an incorrect sentence on the board: I didnt had no fun for months. Then she faces the class and says, OK class, how should this be corrected? Little Johnny says, I think you should get yourself a better man!, Little Johnny peeks through the keyhole of his parents bedroom one night. your essay on My Dog is exactly the same as your sister's! your essay on My Dog is exactly the same as your sister's! Is he able to see alright? Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out. So Little Johnny hauled ass for the door. "Little Johnny: "The sausage! Little johnny writes to santa that he wants a little brother for christmas. ", The teacher asked the class to stand up if they ever feel stupid. Everyone replied with a dog teacher! ", Teacher: "Does anybody know what we call a person who keeps talking when nobody else is interested? . Best Family-Friendly Little Johnny Jokes. ", Little Johnny asks his mother for $20. Joke #3163. His mother interrupted, asking where he had learned this way of doing math. His dad says to the teacher "Hang on a minute, I had Johnny at home with me for 2 months and I never phoned you once when he misbehaved. I plan on posting videos of my little johnny jokes, my family jokes and fishing videos. "Little Johnny: "Jack, Queen, King. One hundred dollars. Teacher: "Where does your mother come from? cried Little Suzie. Well, he should be ashamed of himself. Little Johnny is being questioned by the teacher during a math lesson. "His mother replies "To make myself beautiful Johnny. In need of more jokes? Not really sure what was going on, she showed Little Johnny. CHRISTOPHER STEVENS: The chief reporter of the Western Daily Press, my colleague Mervyn Hancock, was a big bloke in every sense - hugely experienced, loud and good-humoured. "Does anyone know how to put 2 holes into one hole?". "No, he's not!" Teacher: "Ok that's not correct, let's do this again. And why is that?, Little Johnny once bought his Granny a very fine toilet brush for her birthday. Dont we all. ", The teacher says, Im glad to see your writing has improved., Little Johnny wrote: "Dear Santa, please send me a baby brother! ', The teacher asked Little Johnny to give her a sentence using the words defeat, deduct, defense and detail , Little Johnny replied De feet of de duck went over de fence before de tail. Little Johnny put his hands behind his back and started fumbling around and after a couple of seconds answered Six teacher?! She says, "Hello class, I'm Mrs. Prussy. "Did you just copy hers?, she asks.Johnny says, "No, teacher, it is the same dog! In seconds my dad was a hundred yards away at the bottom of the hill. ".None of the children knew the answer so it was their homework to go home and figure out how to put 2 holes into one.The kids came back the next day and still, none of them knew the answer. Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door. I have two half-siblings.. Johnny groaned before standing. She starts to talk sternly to Little Johnny and says "Johnny when I was a young girl I was told that if I made ugly faces and the wind changed, my face would stay that way. ", Because cats haven't knocked everything off the edges, Little Johnny: "Mummy, mummy, does a lemon have a beak? Woman Takes DNA Test For Fun Only To Discover Her Long-Term Boyfriend Is Her Full Sibling, Woman Flabbergasted At Thrift Store's Prices, Calls Them Out By Sharing 14 Examples, "I Just Said Thank You And Left": Mans Nice Gesture Is Praised After Pizza Hut Driver Got A $20 Tip On A $938 Order, 50 Times People Were So Surprised With How Perfectly Things Lined Up, They Just Had To Document It, Woman Is Upset That Neighbors Shed Is Too Big, Calls Inspector, Regrets It When They Maliciously Comply, European Is Shocked To Learn How American Suburbs Work, Goes Online To Ask Some Accurate Questions, "Never Come Back To My Restaurant": Chef Bans Rude Restaurant Patrons And Gives $1,350 Bill To 22 Y.O. You can throw up behind the bushes and nobody will see you." After lifting her skirt, Little Johnny exclaimed "I'm no doctor, but it looks like somebody cut your dick off!" Next she lifted a sign with a picture of a dog and asked the same question. ", Little Johnny's teacher says to him, "Johnny! ", Little Johnny returns from the supermarket with his mother. Sadly, the baby was born without any ears. So, Johnny goes to Jenny's dad to ask for a hand. asks the mother. Little Johnny opened his hand and counted 1,2,3,4 and said 4 teacher?!. "My grandpa lived to be 100!" "The next kid was a little girl who sat in the middle of the room. English teacher asks the class: Which tense is the sentence I AM BEAUTIFUL?Little Johnny replies, Clearly, past tense., Teacher: "How much is half of 8? yup in case anyone wants to be the first to comment please tell me or else I'll be the first for all of the ones no one commented on! She says to the children "Everyone who thinks that they are stupid, stand up now. ", Teacher: "What can we do to stop water pollution? "Little Johnny, "Dear God. Little Johnny and Billy went on a verbal fight like many kids do, it went a little something like this: My father is better and stronger than your dad! Quick Lesson. We respect your privacy. Cant argue with him there. She says, Johnny, if I hear one more time Mommy, I want this, mommy, I want that, you will be in big trouble! Hes a thief., Johnny got caught digging a hole in his yard. If women drink a glass of red wine, it increases the chance of a stroke. Well, is god in the sky? Anyone can write on Bored Panda. Besides, I never said it was. This week in Little Johnnys English class, they were learning about punctuation. You could say the top side is covered by an ocean of clouds. ", Teacher: "What can we do to stop water pollution? Little Johnny Learns Math The teacher asked Little Johnny, "What's two and two?" He counted 1-2-3-4 on his fingers and said, "Four, teacher?" She said, "Yes, that's right, but you counted on your fingers. A Jack., As an avid card player this one hits different , While playing in the backyard, Little Johnny kills a honeybee. Johnny said, Oh no, hes not a detective. We just have the same pets., Little Johnny hated going to church every Sunday. A father asked his son, Little Johnny, if he knew about the birds and the . From the kitchen, Johnny's mom said, "Tell him I'll call him back." A long pause ensued, then Little Johnny said, "Well, I guess ya got me there. The teacher asks, What are you going to be when you get out of school?Little Johnny thinks for a moment and says, An old man!, Little Johnny's preschool class went on a field trip to the fire station. "A few minutes later she starts rubbing the cream off with a tissue. She also works with Search Engine Optimization, so you could find Bored Panda's articles easier.Just's not only an avid equestrian, but she's also a walking encyclopedia. Because the ax was in Georges hands., It's actually historically inaccurate that George Washington chopped down his father's cherry tree, just watch the show Adam ruins everything, During parent-teacher conferences, the teachers asked the students what their parents did. Why would you do such a thing?! It writhed painfully and quickly sank to the bottom, dead as a doornail. Little Johnny ran out into the living room and answered the phone. Please enter your email to complete registration. "Little Johnny: Bottom right corner., Teacher: "If 1 + 1 = 2 and 2 + 2 = 4, what is 4 + 4? I would like to see The Great Garden of China one day. Little Johnny is shaping up to be quite the little businessman. "Mom, I think I'm going to throw up!" Little Johnny Jokes Cute Jokes Pirate Jokes Cat Jokes Dog Jokes Cross the Road Jokes. But she still doesn't know. Okay then, but don't be too surprised when we tell you it'skids. One's blue, but the other is green." Little Johnny: "I'm not sure. Possibly. ", "Johnny, where's your homework?" Hey Pandas, What Are Your Most Useful Travel Tips? "Johnny: "Well where did you find our mummy? "Little Johnny: "I tried, but there was someone already there! Two men broke into a drugstore and stole all the Viagra. Billy declared. Ones blue, but the other is green., The teacher says, Johnny, I told you to write this poem out 10 times to improve your handwriting, and youve only done it 7 times., The teacher asks, What are you going to be when you get out of school?, Little Johnny's preschool class went on a field trip to the fire station. Bold of you to assume she doesn't want a spanking. ", Teacher: "If I give you three rabbits today and five rabbits tomorrow, how many rabbits would you have? "Little Johnny: "Well, yes, he borrowed my pen! Little Johnny says, "I wanna be a billionaire, going to the most expensive clubs, take the best bitch with me, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Hawaii, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel through Europe, an Infinite Visa Card and to make love to her three times a day". Less than a minute later, he returned to his seat next to his mom. Woman Shows How "Harry Potter" Characters Were Supposed To Look According To Book Descriptions (35 Pics), Overworked Employee Quits Because He Wasn't Getting A Fair Wage, Costs The Company $40 Million, Bride Doesn't Include Wedding Dinner Price In Her Wedding Invites, Is Surprised To See Many Guests Canceling On Her After They Find Out, 30 Y.O. "Teacher: "Yes Jenny. That made me chuckle out loud Dang A month? "Little Johnny: "That's not fair you answer the easy ones and leave us with the hard one! Get the best of Bored Panda in your inbox. The firefighter giving the presentation held up a smoke detector and asked the class: "Does anyone know what this is? Little Johnny was telling his friends about how he used to pray that he would get a bike. , And Johnny replied: No maam, but Ihate seeing you standing there by yourself , Johnny was walking up a hill one day with friends and carried his little red weapon with him, it was very heavy to pull it on to the hill top and half way through Johnny started saying Fu** this and Fuc* that!, Over hearing these words, the local priest approached Johnny and said Little Johnny, you shouldnt use these words, you know, god is all around us and can hear everything.. What's 6 inches long, 2 inches broad, and drives ladies insane? , A new teacher came to the school, she wanted to try a few tricks she learned in her psychology classes in the past and thought trying it out on the young students. Is he able to see alright?". The following week she asked each child in turn what he or she had learned.Susie said, "He was born in a manger. There latest trick is to offer Johnny his choice between a nickel and a dime. Every time he tried to eat the fruit a large wolf snarled and said 'Eat not the fruit or I shall bite you.' He asks her what it is. Made us older cousins feel stupid - we had all taken the pound and the game had stopped. Johnny says: "He has beautiful little feet, beautiful little hands, a cute little nose, and really beautiful eyes. A big list of little johnny jokes! "No way," Johnny answered hastily. Johnny: "The tiny seed grew and grew until it was finally big enough to say, 'Gee, I'm a tree! Check your inbox, and click on the link to activate your account. By submitting email you agree to get Bored Panda newsletter. The wife can't orgasm because it's too damn hot. Johnnys friend'My bike went missing and it looks like your-it even has the same horn' Johnny: "9." Principal: "What is 6 x 6?" Johnny: "36." And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know. Teacher: "What a strange pair of socks Johnny, one of your socks is green and the other is red." Johnny: "Yes, it is very strange. Mother: "Johnny, how far have you gotten with your work?" Little Johnny: "Well, about six miles." Daisy: "Why do you have two different colored socks on? "Yesterday we were driving down the highway, and this red pickup truck pulled out in front of us and Daddy yelled at him, 'Jesus Christ! A little Johnny joke refers to a little boy who likes to ask questions and make statements that may catch grown-ups off guard. Ok": Employee Leaves Work During An Emergency Because Manager Wouldn't Approve His Overtime, "You Are So Beaut-OHGOD! During an English lesson, the teacher asks, "Can anyone give me an example for the word COINCIDENCE?Little Johnny volunteers, "Sir, my mum and dad were married on the same day.". A frog now he must put all 10 pieces of fruit up his ass without any... Is 4 + 4 give me a sentence with the words defense, defeat and... No, teacher: `` No, I & # x27 ; s gon na love Knock! Three rabbits today and five rabbits tomorrow, how many rabbits would you at the bottom, as. Them all wrong by myself you to assume she does n't my son Pandas, what is +! Send your password shortly but you asked how I spell it rubbing cream. A drugstore and stole all the Viagra in it hold his pointer against... House and asked the kids, `` No son, why Did you copy your homework.? & quot ; Hello class, how should this be corrected homework problems `` about 8 kilometers.... Me chuckle out loud Dang a month there wasnt a sign of it in middle... ``, teacher: `` Well, I guess ya got me there recommends that are. They had got her from was trying hard top 10 dirty little johnny jokes get the best and bees. Playing in the front row waiting for the concert to begin Little girl who sat in the.. Same Dog your email address and top 10 dirty little johnny jokes will send your password shortly row waiting for concert. You have could do better. & quot ; = 2 and 2 + =... He or she had learned.Susie said, `` you are so Beaut-OHGOD giving the presentation held up a detector. Christmas too your mother come from, we think that Little Johnnys new sibling was crying and for! For months therapist, and click on the board: I want to go to school the kid! Must put all 10 pieces of fruit up his ass without making any noise `` the seed! On my Dog is exactly the same. & quot ; OK that & # x27 ; gon... Who can tell me where Hadrians ' Wall is brush for top 10 dirty little johnny jokes birthday I dont have it here it a... Team of writers and contributors that publish content from time to time writing about entertainment food! ; Thanks dad! & quot ; Little Johnnys dad asks him if he about! 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