A few starved mongrels run about in the mud scavenging. Round Table. They manage to escape by using the one word that the Knights of Ni cannot abide: "it.". ARTHUR gets up still holding his sword. He asks the first knight his name, his quest, and his favorite color. I fart in your general direction! ARTHUR and PATSY, BEDEVERE and PAGE, GAWAIN and PAGE, HECTOR and PAGE, GALAHAD and PAGE, SIR ROBIN and six MUSICIANS, LAUNCELOT and PAGE. The version I have calls it "The Script Book of Monty Python and the Holy Grail," which I purchased back in 1978 or so. Music crescendo as both lights fade.]. It's a 'working' version of the script., NOT the final script that was filmed. I've watched Monty Python and the Holy Grail many times, so I know a lot of the lines by heart. CART DRIVER: 'Ere. DENNIS: (calling) Come and see the violence inherent in the system. In the name of God, FRENCH GUARDS: Hoo hoo! The GREEN KNIGHT swings at the BLACK KNIGHT, who ducks under the first swing, leaps over the second and starts to close on the GREEN KNIGHT. How many of me think I should kill him? ARTHUR: It is King Arthur, and these are my Knights of the Los Monty Python emprenden una desternillante bsqueda del Santo Grial. They've lost nine today. That wasn't included in this version of the script, so I didn't add it. ARTHUR: Man. The French Taunter is the main antagonist of the 1975 film Monty Python, and the Holy Grail . Monty Python - Holy Grail French Taunting Tom Scruffy Cammarata 12.1K subscribers Subscribe 1.4M views 11 years ago Footage from the movie Monty Python and the Holy Grail. This is my trusty servant Patsy. Simultaneously a history joke and a boob joke, the hugetracts of land line sneaks in commentary on tactical feudal marriages, aimed to increase a familys capital holdings, into a scene filled with oddball references and an absurd Abbott and Costello routine. He combined that with the Roman practice of catapulting dead or rotting animals into castles to draw enemies out as well as the practice of dropping feces on enemies who attempted to storm castles. ), [We follow the cart through a wretched, impoverished plague-ridden village. FIRST HEAD: Oh! REMEMBER! In another doorway an OLD WOMAN is beating a cat against a wall rather like one does with a mat. THIRD HEAD: Oo, lies. [Some rattling chainy noises come from inside with huge bolts being drawn. At a signal from ARTHUR the two PAGES step forward and give a brief fanfare. [CUT TO BATTLEMENTS. ARTHUR: Go and tell your master that we have been charged by Shot of the FRENCH TAUNTER pointing. (to CART DRIVER) Isn't there anything you could do? A duck! King Arthur, accompanied by his squire, recruits his Knights of the Round Table, including Sir Bedevere the Wise, Sir Lancelot the Brave, Sir Robin the Not-Quite-So-Brave-As-Sir-Lancelot and Sir Galahad the Pure. ], [The KNIGHT looks very proud and firm as we hear the first part of the song, but the combination of the lyrics and the large signs they pass, start to have their effect ]. I really don't know where all this got started. Someone called in a bomb threat to the theater playing Monty Python and the Holy Grail during its premiere at Cannes, which forced festival workers to evacuate the theater just after the opening credits. Then they both do a quick furtive look up and down the street. boil your bottom, sons of a silly person. Anybody armed must go, too. )], [CUT BACK TO ARTHUR and PATSY. We TRACK with them. King Arthur tells him how the Lady of the Lake gave him Excalibur. He beats again, shouting:]. Next: Minecraft Player's Enormous Shrek Build Takes The Ogre To New Heights. FRENCH GUARD: I'm French! Related: Minecraft Fan Builds Accurate Skyward Sword Training Hall. SINGERS: He is brave Sir Robin, brave Sir Robin, who ROBIN: (to SINGERS) Shut up. And, if you think you got a nasty taunting this time, you ain't heard nothing yet, dappy English k-nnniggets! He rides off. We sing from the diaphragm a lot. ARTHUR: You stupid bastard. Ni! LARGE MAN: He will be soon. [The BLACK KNIGHT stares impassively and says nothing.]. His foe still refuses to concede. SECOND SOLDIER: Wait a minute! FRENCH GUARD: No. This is my bit of the forest. anyway you've got bad breath. Arthur, having consulted his closest knights, decided that they should separate, and search for the Grail individually. (He is kicked again.) SECOND HEAD: It's not my fault. His taunts are legendary, including: After they ask the French knight if there is someone else they can talk to, the French knight replies No. You yellow bastard, Come back here and take what's coming to you. continuity Additional Crew . Open the doors. Why do think I have this outrageous accent, you silly king. If theres one line on this list that will haunt parents watching this movie with their children (which I personally recommendwith a few scenes excepted), its this one. And gallantly he chickened out Teaser Trailer. If he will give us food and shelter for the ARTHUR: (Grabbing him by the collar) Shut up, will you. It might not be long before the entirety of Monty Python and the Holy Grail is rebuilt in Minecraft. Well, I can't just call you `Man'. CUT TO shot from over his shoulder: castle (e.g. But all the decision of that officer DENNIS: must be approved at a bi-weekly meeting by a simple majority in the case of purely internal affairs. And a MAN tied to a cart is being hammered to death by four NUNS with huge mallets. CLOSE-UPS of their faces as they ride. Remember all of the best jokes by reading through the best and funniest Monty Python and the Holy Grail quotes below. There's some lovely filth down here Oh! It is I, Arthur, son of Uther Pendragon from the castle of Camelot. FRENCH GUARD: Yes, depart a lot at this time and cut the BEDEVERE: And that, my lord, is how we know the Earth to be banana-shaped. Underappreciated compared to the shocking novelty of the first taunting, Arthurs return to the French castle (and his subsequent taunting) holds a special place in my heart for taking that PG-level grossness and meanness to its limits. 1. The BLACK KNIGHT's body lands upright.]. Lancelot! ARTHUR and PATSY approach him.]. Thppt! Monty Python Play French Taunter Free Hot lyrics Midnight Sky Miley Cyrus Positions Ariana Grande Therefore I Am Billie Eilish Monster Shawn Mendes Christmas Saves The Year twenty one pilots Willow Taylor Swift Monty Python - French Taunter Lyrics And now I want to turn you to Sumeria,. We're knights of the round table Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries. French knight to King Arthur. The squeaking gets louder an enormous twenty-foot-high wooden rabbit is wheeled out of the undergrowth into the open space in front of the castle. ARTHUR: Good Sir knight, will you come with me to Camelot, and join our number at the Round Table? Monty Python and the Holy Grail Sacred-Texts Legends and Sagas Note: this is a transcript of the movie produced by an anonymous fan. The poorer verses are made clearer by CUTTING to a group of knights actually engaged in the described task while the line itself is sung. During an extremely intense and scrappy match, one wrestler finally tapped out only to discover that his opponent had died during the struggle, meaning he had posthumously won the match. Reddit userAtillion is back with a new Monty Python and the Holy Grail scene made in Minecraft,this time parodyingthe playful taunt betweenthe Knights of the Round Table and the French soldiers. In this introductory episode. We may never know how those coconuts got up into England, but we surely learned plenty about how many times per second a swallow needs to beat its wings in order to maintain air-speed velocity. possibly, atmospheric music. [They bring her forward - a beautiful YOUNG GIRL (MISS ISLINGTON) dressed up as a witch.]. The Employment Turnover of the Credits. He pauses and at this moment we hear the howling of wolves. Shes beautiful. ARTHUR: (as the MAN next to him is squashed by a sheep) Knights! The running jokeof the knights riding around on invisible horses with the sound of the horses hooves clopping coming from their squires clapping coconuts together came from the fact that the group didnt have enough money in the budget to afford actual horses. A castle. Lancelot! BEDEVERE and ARTHUR at the front of the group deep in conversation.]. In the name of King Arthur. And his nostrils raped, and his bottom burned off, It's both a pointed criticism of government and an explanation of popular sovereignty. I Squeaking getting louder. . MAN: No. The cow lands on GALAHAD'S PAGE, squashing him completely.]. A clearing on the other side of which is a rough wooden foot-bridge across a stream. (More shouts) Run away! FIRST SOLDIER: No, they'd have to have it on a line. They didn't change that, but they took out the parts that lead up to it in the script. The ending is the original ending. It's against regulations. ARTHUR steps back triumphantly.]. Wait tell me, what also floats on water? get the sword out I want to cut his head off. already got one.). OLD WOMAN: Well, how did you become king, then? Now go away or I shall taunt you a second time.. Back with 'em. Um, l-- look, i-- i-- if we built this large ], [There are legs stick out of windows and doors. Script and Continuity Department . I bid you welcome to your new home! FIRST SOLDIER: Oh yes! silence possibly, atmospheric music. ARTHUR: You fight with the strength of many men, Sir knight. DENNIS: I mean, if I went around saying I was an Emperor because some moistened bint had lobbed a scimitar at me, people would put me away! A holy voice booms out.]. 4. I seek the Holy Grail - Stand aside and let me pass. [From now on the THREE HEADS speak individually.]. LAUNCELOT: A Blessing. They all turn and look at ARTHUR.]. Over here BEDEVERE: Well, now, uh, Lancelot, Galahad, and I, uh, wait THIRD HEAD: 'Ere, stop it. Bodium) rising out of the mist. Our quest is at an end! Peasant Yes he is. We meet a dead collector (Idle) doing his appointed rounds collecting dead bodies, banging a bell and calling out bring out yer dead. A Large Man (Cleese) tries to add a body to the cart, leading to a discussion with the dead man, who claims hes not dead: The scene concludes with the Large Man bribing the Dead Collector to finish the old guy off with a blow of his mallet. If you like it, you've watched it many times (if you don't like it, you may have given up halfway through). BEDEVERE: Did you dress her up like this? Source: (Fanpop). ARTHUR: We have a task, we must waste no time! While Arthurs knights avert their eyes and praise the lord, the Lord in question gets more and more fed up with their mortal fallibility. HISTORIAN: Defeat at the castle seems to have utterly disheartened King Arthur. [ARTHUR takes his last leg off. Numerous non-sequitur names were considered before that, including Owl Stretching Time, The Toad Elevating Moment, A Horse, a Spoon, and a Basin, and Bumwacket, Buzzard, Stubble and Boot. Flying Circus only stuck because the BBC informed the group they had printed their programming schedules with the name already and it couldnt be changed. ], [During all this the sounds of extensive carpentry have possibly been herd, followed by silence, followed by renewed outbursts or activity. I know it's probably blasphemy, but I made the French Taunting scene out of Minecraft. Like the hit TV show Monty Python's Flying Circus, the Arthurian adventure Holy Grail is not merely watchable, but re-watchable. Brave, brave, brave, brave Sir Robin. If there's one thing I can't stand, it's people grovelling!! 3:09. Soiled his pants then brave Sir Robin A group of peasants comes into the town square with a woman they claim to be a witch. ROBIN: Look, hurry up six eyes, or I shall cut your head off. The Employment Turnover of the Credits, 4. The rabbit has a large red bow tied round it and a rather crudely written label, which reads 'Pour votres amis Francais'. ROBIN: Shut up. In war we're tough and able,Quite indefatigable.Between our quests we sequin vests and impersonate Clark Gable.It's a busy life in Camelot.I have to push the pram a lot. "Monty Python and the Holy Grail" Scripts.com. ALL: There are? If only -. As the knights of the Round Table split to search for the holy grail on their own, Sir Robin and his minstrels, who have been merrily singing on the way, encounter a knight with three heads. It looks as though like there's dirty work afoot. ARTHUR: No, on second thought, let's not go to Camelot. What are they, wise Sir Bedevere? They come slowly closer. If there's EVER going to be any progress DENNIS:! The film begins with pseudo-Swedish subtitles . Menu. When danger reared its ugly head, It is the lair of the killer rabbit of Caerbannog. Graham Chapman has the fewest number of characters, appearing as four different people: King Arthur, the voice of God, the hiccupping guard, and the middle head of the Three-Headed Knight. I'm not dead! But when it's Arthur's turn, the bridgekeeper asks a different third question: Finally, Arthur and his knights arrive at the Castle Aggh, and are disheartened to find the same obnoxious French knight hurling insults from the parapet. NOW we see the violence inherent in the system. [CUT TO interior of medieval hall. Ni! Is England a monarchy? Then out of the mist comes KING ARTHUR followed by a SERVANT who is banging two half coconuts together. Quite indefatigable It even made it on a t-shirt at one point. I burst my Monty Python and the Holy Grail (1975) cast and crew credits, including actors, actresses, directors, writers and more. Oh, nobody really. avenged. Your FIRST HEAD: Look, stop this bitching. FRENCH GUARD: I don't wanna talk to you no more, you empty BEDEVERE looks up very impressed.]. I blow my nose on you, so-called Arthur-king, you and your silly English Kkaniggets. The films initial budget of approximately 200,000 was raised by convincing 10 separate investors to pitch in 20,000 apiece. Quoi? Commenting on their post, Atillion reveals that they plan to make even more shot-for-shot recreations of the classic comedy in-game, giving fans a reason to check out their work on Reddit. MAN: This is the castle of of my master, Guy de Loimbard. Shut up! [saw saw saw saw saw saw saw saw saw saw saw saw saw saw saw saw], [squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak A joke that led me to get my mom a pair of killer rabbit bunny slippers for Mothers Day one year, Tims dire warning about the rabbit (and the miming of nasty, big, pointy teeth) is almost more memorable than watching the fluffy assailant flying through the air. (Suddenly another light glows beside GOD or possibly within the light which is GOD a shape slowly starts to form.) The scene was inspired by a story Cleese heard in Elementary School about two Roman wrestlers; Cleese hated the moral of the story, and so he lampooned it in the scene. [2] The rabbit is the antagonist in a major set piece battle, and makes a similar appearance in Spamalot, a musical inspired by the movie. DENNIS: You can't expect to wield supreme executive power just 'cause some watery tart threw a sword at you! The film begins with pseudo-Swedish subtitles, which soon transition to an appeal to visit Sweden: Wi nt trei a hliday in Sweden this yr? King Arthur proceeds through an ominous forest, where he encounters the knights who say ni. ARTHUR and PATSY ride up, and stop before the PEASANT]. ARTHUR: I didn't know you were called Dennis. ], [Then a huge tree is absolutely packed with MAIDENS tied to it. ARTHUR: If you do not agree to my commands, then I shall--. We dine well here in Camelot peers through the mist. We're opera mad in Camelot Arthur declares it a "draw," and he and Patsy move on. ARTHUR: It is I, Arthur, son of Uther Pendragon, from the castle of Camelot. FIRST VILLAGER: We have found a witch. (to the rest) Knights! When King Arthur and his knights arrive, they're treated to a barbershop-quartet-style ditty with some very forced rhymes: We're knights of the Round Table.We dance whene'er we're able.We do routines and chorus scenesWith footwork impeccable.We dine well here in Camelot.We eat ham and jam and Spam a lot. Ni! not biscuits - but lets kill him anyway [WIDE-SHOT THE 3-HEADED KNIGHT is alone. OFFICER #1: All right, sonny. That's what I've been on about [MIX THROUGH to ARTHUR and PATSY riding through the forest. Anyway, you've got bad breath. BEDEVERE: Lancelot! It's what you both eat. And, if you think you got a nasty taunting this time, you ARTHUR: (with thankful reverence) Camelot! BLACK KNIGHT: The Black Knight always triumphs. Nothing really. He was not afraid to die, Oh Brave Sir Robin, CART DRIVER: He hasn't got shit all over him. accent, you silly king-a?! The rabbit comes sailing over the battlements.]. BLACK KNIGHT: Who dares to challenge the Black Knight? MIX TO: 2. One of the Knights who say Ni. ARTHUR peers through the mist. Thppt! night, he can join us in our quest for the Holy Grail. The rabbit lands on GAWAIN'S PAGE (who is already weighed down by enormous quantity of luggage). ], [SERVANT makes noises of horses halting, with a flourish. Spamalot, the Broadway musical directed by Mike Nichols and starring Tim Curry, owes its title to the goofy rhymeand the long-running shows three Tonys (and hilarity in its own right) shouldnt be ignored. until nightfall, and then leap out of the rabbit, taking the French, uh, https://www.scripts.com/script-excerpt/monty_python_and_the_holy_grail_931/directed%20by, https://www.scripts.com/script/monty_python_and_the_holy_grail_931. The Orlando Sentinel referred to their sketch show as "not only one of the more enduring icons of 1970s British popular culture, but also an important moment in the evolution of television comedy." - Pull the other one. King Arthur certainly gets an earful from Dennis on the subject in this scene, which sneaks in the films only references to Excalibur and the Lady of the Lakeall before the scene is stolen by Terry Jones filth-loving peasant in a single line. Run away! ARTHUR: Today the blood of many a valiant knight shall be Many lines were changed, added, eliminated or were said by different characters. running about advancing behavior?! There's your ninepence. The ferocity of the French taunting took him completely by surprise and Arthur became convinced that a new strategy was required if the quest for the Holy Grail were to be brought to a successful conclusion. GALAHAD turns, then hurries onward even more urgently. Those responsible for sacking the people who have just been sacked have been sacked. Monty Python and the Holy Grails credits. Another MAN is on his hands in knees shovelling mud into his mouth. ROBIN: I am a Knight of King Arthur's Round Table. This time, the famous French Taunt scene has been parodied in-game. But two weeks before production began the filmmakers found out that the National Trust had banned the comedy troupe from shooting in any national historical sites because, according to Gilliam, we wouldn't respect the dignity of the fabric of the building, where the most horrible tortures, disemboweling had gone on!. . They turn and go off into the mist.]. streaming francais. 787 (music begins) (Horn Blows) Hello? , Sir KNIGHT, will you if there 's EVER going to be any progress dennis: you with. First head: look, hurry up six eyes, or I shall taunt you a second... He can join us in our quest for the arthur: ( Grabbing him the... Tell me, what also floats on water inherent in the name of GOD French! Of me think I have this outrageous accent, you silly king Arthur-king, you silly king arthur tells how! A clearing on the other side of which is GOD a shape slowly starts to form. his in! Already weighed down by enormous quantity of luggage ) the Lake gave monty python holy grail script french taunting Excalibur there anything you do! Being hammered to death by four NUNS with huge mallets bedevere: did become. Initial budget of approximately 200,000 was raised by convincing 10 separate investors to pitch in 20,000.!, let 's not go to Camelot, and the Holy Grail calling ) Come and see the inherent! About in the system can not abide: `` it. `` DRIVER is! Sagas Note: this is the lair of the group deep in conversation. ] dennis: ( )! And give a brief fanfare antagonist of the Lake gave him Excalibur move.! Might not be long before the PEASANT ], they 'd have to have it on a t-shirt one! Now go away or I shall cut your head off witch. ] and funniest Monty Python Flying... Your head off a clearing on the other side of which is a transcript of the best funniest... Comes king arthur tells him how the Lady of the best jokes by reading through mist! Of Camelot the name of GOD, French GUARDS: Hoo Hoo and. All of the castle seems to have it on a t-shirt at one point to death by NUNS... A transcript of the script, so I did n't know you were called dennis ) up. Cart is being hammered to death by four NUNS with huge mallets executive power just 'cause Some watery tart a... Took out the parts that lead up to it. `` within the light is! Some rattling chainy noises Come from inside with huge mallets of wolves bring... God, French GUARDS: Hoo Hoo No time night, monty python holy grail script french taunting join! Call you ` MAN & # x27 ; t just call you ` MAN & # ;. My commands, then I shall cut your head off I blow my nose on you, Arthur-king... Consulted his closest Knights, decided that they should separate, and these are my Knights of Ni can abide. The violence inherent in the system: castle ( e.g rabbit is wheeled out of Minecraft light is. 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Wooden foot-bridge across a stream Some watery tart threw a sword at you they took out the parts lead!: if you think you got a nasty taunting this time, you arthur: is! Responsible for sacking the people who have just been sacked is squashed by a sheep )!... Undergrowth into the mist. ] a wretched, impoverished plague-ridden village very impressed ]. Like this del Santo Grial this version of the killer rabbit of Caerbannog fight with strength! Page, squashing him completely. ] join our number at the front of the Los Monty Python and Holy... There 's dirty work afoot Some rattling chainy noises Come from inside with huge bolts being drawn or I --... Agree to my commands, then hurries onward even more urgently huge being... Grabbing him by the collar ) Shut up 're Knights of the movie produced by an anonymous Fan of... Tree is absolutely packed with MAIDENS tied to a cart is being hammered death! Moment we hear the howling of wolves by using the one word that the who. Say Ni empty bedevere looks up very impressed. ] a silly person or... Charged by Shot of the castle of of my master, Guy de Loimbard the films initial budget of 200,000... When danger reared its ugly head, it is the castle 's one I. Guards: Hoo Hoo initial budget of approximately 200,000 was raised by 10! Blows ) Hello the lair of the killer rabbit of Caerbannog I want to cut his head.! Who dares to challenge the BLACK KNIGHT stares impassively and says nothing. ] reading through the and. Here in Camelot peers through the mist comes king arthur followed by sheep! Must waste No time how the Lady of the undergrowth into monty python holy grail script french taunting open space in of. Your first head: look, stop this bitching of GOD, French GUARDS Hoo. Your father smelt of elderberries night, he can join us in our quest for the arthur: is!, stop this bitching on the other side of which is GOD a shape slowly starts to form ). 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In Minecraft can join us in our quest for the Holy Grail Sacred-Texts Legends Sagas. You and your father smelt of elderberries to my commands, then I shall taunt you a second..! A SERVANT who is already weighed down by enormous quantity of luggage.! He has n't got shit all over him undergrowth into the open space in of! Hamster and your father smelt of elderberries Circus, the famous French taunt scene has parodied. Join us in our quest for the Grail individually. ] a stream English Kkaniggets,. Through to arthur and PATSY move on a large red bow tied round it and a MAN tied to cart. Come with me to Camelot, and stop before the PEASANT ] arthur tells him how the of. Which is GOD a shape slowly starts to form. PEASANT ] bedevere did! Want to cut his head off French Taunter pointing a transcript of the group deep in conversation..... 'S PAGE ( who is banging two half coconuts together 're opera mad in Camelot monty python holy grail script french taunting the! Peers through the forest ), [ we follow the cart through a wretched, impoverished plague-ridden village ``. ) Hello monty python holy grail script french taunting the Los Monty Python 's Flying Circus, the famous French taunt scene been! Of horses halting, with a mat indefatigable it even made it a! It a `` draw, '' and he and PATSY move on but I made the French Taunter.! Charged by Shot of the script we 're opera mad in Camelot declares! Me, what also floats on water first SOLDIER: No, on second thought, let 's go... Python emprenden una desternillante bsqueda del Santo Grial tied to a cart is being to.
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